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21
August 2002 Starfish Trek Episode 9:
Chiquistas
Conquered!!!!!
We’re
in for a couple of rough weather days as evidenced by
http://www.wunderground.com/global/Region/CA/2xpxIRSatellite.html
at the time of this writing. It is blowing so hard outside
that there is a breeze in this concrete house with the
windows closed. I’ll bet 30 to 40 Knots outside.
There is a very large storm headed right for us. Not tropical,
just a very big thunderstorm coming from the south that
appears it will fill the cistern tonight. Only enough
rain to close the windows so far. But a hard rain’s
gonna fall.
So I sit
with my tan dog, computer and coffee having decided between,
wash dishes (only 6), Portillas.com design, and snooze.
Design won as I haven’t reported for a couple days.
I seem
to be winning the bug war for now. I’ve won most
of the battles, at least the most recent battles; excepting
the battle of the Chiquistas (no see ums). I have done
extensive research of the Chiquistas since my arrival.
I am elated to report I have a few solutions and many
failed attempts. I read on the infernalnet that if one
was to rake the beach clean, the hot sun will fry the
little boogers. Better take ‘em to KFC to get fried
because it has been hot and sunny for weeks now on my
cleaned beach and they’re more rampant than ever.
I think they get hungrier around the full moon. They have
certainly sent me hopping and itching much more in the
past few days. And I was just starting to get used to
my legs looking golden brown with leetle (imagine a high
pitched voice returning to my normal baritone) red polka
dots. I’ll put a picture of my leg on my web in
a few days for your perusal. If a picture is worth a thousand
words, I’m done. No such luck.
I was
told they are attracted to water. This is true. There
is a leak in the sink’s drain pipe outside that
has fallen into my gonna barrel. When I get a round TUIT;
I’ll repair it. I will also put a picture of a round
TUIT on my web for you to assist me in locating one. Nonetheless,
the area around the Casa Azul’s back door is damp
sand and thus a battalion of tough little Chiquistas are
firmly dug in and reinforced attacking anyone in full
force who gets near them.
They also
tend to fly into open bedroom windows at night and land
their little planes on my sheets and march to their mess
hall under the sheets for breakfast at 4:00 AM every morning.
Then they evidently march to the kitchen to wash their
little dishes or at least their machetes they use to expose
rare, tender, freshly cleaned leg of gringo at the same
time I start making my morning coffee.
Enter
Eric, the conqueror, from XTC armed with a magical Baygon
vaporizador. The box reads, “. . . efectiva eliminando
mosquitos y zancudos para 8 horas, . . .” Ok my
malo Espanol is good enough to recognize; vaporizador
as vaporizer ( Good! Vaporize the little boogers. It does
look a bit like a ray gun.) efectiva as effective, eliminando
as eliminate, mosquitos as mosquitoes and 8 horas as 8
hours. Zancudos I didn’t recognize because it wasn’t
like many English words for insects I recall. Then something
turned on my Ford has a better idea light and I instantly
associated cooties! Yea, that’s the ticket! Hell,
I don’t know. It didn’t say anything about
Chiquistas and that is the phonetic spelling I’ve
guessed at from everybody’s pronunciation. It could
be Chakeystas; but that doesn’t even look Mexican.
But Eric, the conqueror, from XTC said it works and that’s
good enough for me. And besides it was a gift from this
truly generous gentleman.
I plugged
it in and inserted one of the blue plaquitas. I knew what
that was because Eric gave me a supply of packages instructing
me in English to put one of these in there 30 minutes
before I go to bed. And turn it off when I wake up. So
they last me for two or three days depending on how often
I Report From South Of Town and now design web stuff.
I have to wake up every morning very early so hopefully,
some day I can capture a truly spectacular sunrise. On
the first night, I plugged it in and turned it on three
hours before I was able to pry my ass out of this chair.
I awoke the next morning and not one bite or itch. Miracles
of modern science! (He also told me about bottles of the
stuff that screw into the bottom of the wall mounted ray
gun that will last for 30 days. They are supposed to be
hard to find.) My bedroom now has an anti aircraft defense
system.
Eric,
the conqueror, exited stage left to return to his Viking
ship to continue his quest to provide his passengers with
the ultimate diving experiences. Enter Jose, the Maya
pastor, to assist Cliff, the whacker. A conversation ensued
en Espanol with Cliff the whacker bombarding Jose with
questions like a 5 year old’s repeated, “How
come?” queries. When Cliff finally got to the Chiquistas
questions, Jose simply answered, “Cocas!”
Machete in hand, Jose grabbed a dried coconut and followed
Cliff to the Chiquistas encampment outside his back door.
With three linear whacks and a little pry each time, Jose
had made it possible to peal the husk from the little
monkey faced nut. He then peeled the hair from the monkey’s
head and some of it that remained in the outer three shells.
Carefully arranging the dried husks in a circle upwind
of the Chiqiustas’ fort still separating the monkey’s
hair and making a hairball in the center of the now bowl
like arrangement. Making a motion with his thumb up and
down to his fist like a flick of a Bic, My ESP kicked
in and I went to get a Bic. I gave the wide smiling man
the lighter and he barely lit the hairball and blew on
it until a plume of smoke filled the area. Only the occasional
sparkle of the hair embers showed through the increasing
cloud of low flying smoke. Jose smiled real big and a
quick motion with his clenched fist from his chest to
his maximum reach like Superman ready to fly as he said
two wonderful words, “Chiquistas vamose!”
And they were gone instantly. With two whacks with the
back of his machete on each side of the monkey’s
head, the coconut responded to Jose’s gentle twist
with both hands by slowly pouring out its coconut juice
as the two halves separated. His three fingers scraped
the snow white bowl yielding an almost yellow clear gelatinous
substance that he held up to me and said, “Chiquista
medicina” as he rubbed a bit on my speckled lower
leg. Almost immediately, the itching stopped and now,
10 hours later most of the redness is gone and no itch.
This super man smiling large once more as he nodded his
head.
That’s
enough for tonight or actually, this morning. I’m
real tired and losing my edge. Of course, I never was
the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Live long
and perspire,
Cliff
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is generally harmless but, those who are concerned should
do a scan after visiting. Search for AdAware from Lavasoft
on the internet, it is free.
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