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You Can Click The Following Links To Go Directly To A Report You Haven't Read Or A Video You Want To View - most recent few indexed in date order on this page.

On This Site:

December 23, 2008 – Feliz Navidad

Navidad Xcalak 2008 Movie

December 28, 2008 Prospero Año Nuevo

Portillas Slide Show Video - An oldie but I like it

January 25, 2009 Thanksgiving

February 2, 2009 - The Best Job In The World!

February 11, 2009 – Movin’ On Up To The South Side!

April 1, 2009 – April Fool's

May 1, 2009 – ¡Stampede!

Stories Archived Index Note: It is under Construction but, many stories are there now and lots more very soon.

Real Time Weather And Tropical Information For The Costa Maya 

Report From South Of Town – 1 May, 2009

¡Stampede!

In the early days of television, (yea I’m old, I remember when the screen was round and only black & white) the tele was dominated by cartoons, soap operas and westerns. In my youth, I wanted to one day grow up to be a cowboy – after all I was already a Texan. Sure I watched a fair share of cartoons, but I was glued to any western that would come on one of the two channels we could watch.

The story lines rarely varied, just the actors. At some point during the movie, on a starry night just as things started to get boring, some greenhorn would get scared, shoot his gun and start a STAMPEDE!

One cow gets startled by a loud noise and starts running away from it. Another steer sees that cow running and in the interest of self preservation from whatever spooked his buddy, he starts running too. And another panics likewise causing others to panic. The earth begins to rumble from the pounding of hooves from all of the cattle and some cowboy wakes up and hollers, “STAMPEDE!”

I ain’t a young feller no more – about the only trail ridin’ I’d even consider these days would be on a cushioned seat of a Japanese four wheeler and I’d prefer to be in front if there were others along for the adventure. I’d rather not wear a bandana to keep from eatin' the dust. Folks are civilized these days and I am beginning to believe civilization means we should reduce our intelligence to act like a herd of cattle at all times. Push red button and run like Hell! – panic button syndrome I’ll call it and STAMPEDE is what it causes.

Like many of you, I’ve been a news junkie for most of my adult life. I still listen to it daily. In my current state, I am not affected by much of any of it, but I still listen. This year has shown me how right I am about the panic button syndrome. Lots of folks panicked on Wall Street and most everybody lost their money. The news said there would be an economic disaster, everybody believed it and caused one. Like a herd of cattle, we saved the little money we had. By not buying anything we lost our jobs because none of the other cattle bought anything either. So the initial problem compounds itself on a logarithmic curve.

Now everybody will not only be hoarding their money, they will be staying at home out of fear of dying from a swine flu that is invisible to the naked eye and has already killed a few hundred people scattered about the world. ¡Stampede! Only this time, you may not get trampled by moving hooves. You will simply be scared into your homes to eventually starve for lack of availability of food because the remainder of the herd is doing the same. Nobody will go out to either produce food, distribute food, transport food, put food on the shelves for you to not come out and buy to feed your families. ¿Is there something wrong with this picture? Are you a victim of the panic button syndrome yet? If not, watch the news some more. Where the Hell is my Red Button?

In the US, the number one industry that did as much to keep the economy alive as most others was the automobile industry – it is almost gone now. In Mexico, their number one industry was tourism. Through no fault of theirs, it has been nearly killed by the swine flu. The magic that was Mexico still exists, its people are still the same folks who have welcomed you to their paradise in the past. Will the original concept that began what we evolved into what we now call civilization, which originated very near where I am now, end as many believe the ancient Maya predicted to happen in 2012? Will tribalism emerge from the destruction we are causing now? I do not know – all I can do is watch the news, eventually suffer and die.

Tomorrow, I hope to watch the sunrise over the Caribbe again – will you get to? The words from Bobby McFerrin come to mind from an old hit song he had – Don’t Worry Be Happy! I’m a whistlin’ that tune now.

May God bless each and every one of you in all your endeavors.

¡Buena Suerte!

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Report From South Of Town – 1 April, 2009

April Fool's?

I think it befitting I publish today because usually few, if any, believe what I write here. So, I’ll further complicate belief by writing to you today and not advising whether truth or fiction is being conveyed. April Fool’s Day!


I write these things in my poor ‘ole feeble mind while traveling, daydreaming and sleeping. Oftentimes, while sleeping I awaken, turn on the ‘puter in the wee hours of the morning and write until the sun rises. Such is the case today.


I’ve had numerous stories to tell and have written in my mind all of them, but stuff happens and I haven’t gotten around publishing them until now. Here’s to an expected variety of subjects. I had originally intended to title the first one, “How I Spent My Winter Vacation.” I will start there:


Fatherhood is a concept I wasn’t quite ready for when I was thrust into it almost thirty years ago. Surely, I was completely innocent in the matter. Back in those days, folks just blamed the milkman. There ain’t no friggin’ milkmen anymore!  As my children ventured into adulthood, I advised them parenting is an eighteen year commitment you simply cannot change your mind about under any circumstances. Later in life, I find out how wrong I was. It’s a lifelong commitment – not just eighteen years. And, it is one of the most rewarding experiences one could ever have.


Luckily, I had a boy and a girl. How different each is. A son grows up to become a man. In the process, he establishes his independence and goes on to prove how well he can manage things for himself. On the other hand, a daughter will forever be, “Daddy’s little girl” no matter how intelligent, resourceful, independent or just plain big, she gets, she will always be Daddy’s Little Girl!


I am extremely proud of my son and how well he turned out. And I love him not one bit less than Daddy’s little girl. But, when Daddy’s little girl, needs Daddy,  he will come running as fast as he can. So, I find myself on an airplane headed for Houston in mid-February because my daughter needed her father. (For the first time in her adult life to my knowledge I might add.)


The whole thing was a terrible tragedy and this is not the place to tell the story, so let it suffice to say all is currently resolved, much to my elation. It took almost a month in Houston for me, but my son was concerned enough to use his year’s emergency leave from the Navy to also come to the aid of his sister – a huge plus for me, because his new family came to Houston from Italy with him and I got to meet his new wife, Magann and my new grandson, Christian. You done good, son.

Christian 090219


I’ve never been one to ogle over a baby. Sure, I’ll look and say they’re cute. But, when they are my own, I magically have the deepest of love for them. And now I find Grandchildren do exactly the same to me. Please pardon me for being the stereotypical Granddad – Ain’t he handsome? – ¡Guapo!


I lived nearly fifty years in Houston. (Finally, I get to the Report From South Of Town I intended.) After living here for the last seven, I am surprised I survived Houston/Pasadena!  Pasadena is a city in the southeast quadrant of the Houston Greater Metropolitan area. It is much larger than most cities and it is the home of most oil and chemical refineries. One in particular, the Goodyear plant, gave Pasadena its nickname, Stinkadena. We used to joke about it because on the way to the dealership I operated one had to pass by the Goodyear plant in most cases. “Welcome to Pasadena, where the air is greena. If you can’t see it, it ain’t worth breathin’!” we’d say and laugh. ROFLMOW!


Luckily, I didn’t venture toward Pasadena from the Tomball area way up north in the Greater Houston Metro Area – a piney woods area which gives the false impression it is undeveloped in the woods. When we were kids, we used to ride on the hood of a 1954 Buick Special with Mossberg .22 rifles riding down a barely paved road called Jackrabbit road. We’d shoot jackrabbits who would stand up and look straight into the headlights of the approaching car. It is now known as FM 1960 and is a six to eight lane highway with every square foot of both sides of the road filled with gigantic stores for over forty miles. My - how things have changed in forty years. So, this is how I spent my winter vacation in Houston:


Houston Smog


Upon perusing this photo, you may notice it isn’t sharp. What I was surprised with most was; this used to be clean, crisp air with the scent of pine trees. Now it is all concrete and you can actually see the air and photograph it! I find it incredible, after living here, to be able to notice the difference. I have a much better appreciation and understanding of the tourists who come to Xcalak and walk around for a couple weeks with a stuff eatin’ grin on their faces for the entire time they’re here.


The second most surprising thing I noticed was the sounds of the city everywhere all of the time – honking horns, diesel trucks, screeching tires, crashes, trains, voices shouting, whistles, sirens and God knows what a sound was from time to time. I couldn’t sleep with all the strange noises filling the dirty air. There’s no wonder folks get here and do nothing but sleep for days. It ain’t ever totally silent here either – but, there is something seriously soothing about the gentle rumble of the waves crashing into the distant Great Maya Reef, the owls occasionally hooting, the geckos bragging about catching a bug by their little “chirp, chirp, chirp” sound, the cackles of the chachalacas most often before a rain shower or the growl of a cat of prey in the distance. I guess the quantity of sounds are only barely different and the volume is definitely less here – it’s the same, only different, but sleeping is much easier without an ever-present noise of mankind.


Yea, I feel much better now I am back home. Shopping once per month ain’t all that bad compared to risking your life to drive to the store every day for something you need to make dinner tonight. My pantry here is much smaller, yet it is far better planned out of necessity. If I ain’t got it, I can’t get it without a minimum of a six hour drive – so, I either have it or do without.
I understand, from listening to the radio at night, that times are tough in the US  right now. Me, I can’t seem to recall when the times weren’t considered “tough.” As humans, we had the stone age, the ice age, and so on and now we are living in what is called the “Information age.” Yea, there were too many rocks in the stone age and too much ice in the ice age, one can’t help but wonder if there’s too much information in the information age. If you hadn’t been told the end times were upon us, would you have stopped spending your money like you always had? Had everybody not stopped spending their money, there would have been no need for government hot checks to bail out huge corporations with assets designed to manufacture items you would have bought if you weren’t told you couldn’t afford them. The Wall Street panic would not have happened and those banking institutions and giant insurance companies wouldn’t have lost their beehinds playing Texas hold ‘em on Wall Street. I dunno, maybe dumb ‘ole folks like me can’t seem to understand why I need to pay for somebody’s losing at a poker game in the stock market with tax dollars I’ve paid or my kids will have to pay after I’ve croaked. Yea, too much information! ‘Nuff said. ‘Ahm not a smart man.


More information, are you aware your few dollars you might have left in the impending doom are worth lots more in Mexico? The peso is currently worth almost 14 to a US dollar! It’s like a giant sale on Mexico!


While in the US, I got a lot of information about violence in Mexico. So much so, that folks asked me if that’s why I’m baaack in the US. They’d admired me for having braved the cartel’s drug wars but, understood my finally succumbing to the danger and returning from “paradise” to the good ‘ole broke USA. Yep, too much information in this, the great information age. On the nightly news in the US, I actually saw video of folks getting killed every night in Mexico due to the massive drug wars. I had to wonder, myself whether I would be safe returning.


I feel the media is selling a bill of goods based on selectively telling bad news. We all bought a concept of a need for a “change”. We are all buying the fact that the world’s coming to an end and nobody’s got a dime or a peso. Everybody bought the fact that Bush was a bandit, but what did he steal? Everybody bought the fact that Obama was the savior of mankind, apple pie and the American way, but what has he given? When has the president of a democratic nation been able to fire the CEO of one of the world’s largest corporations much as we listened to Donald Trump say, “you’re fired” on TV? Has the concept of capitalism been replaced in the US by our new pres who many warned was a socialist before the election? Yep, too much information.

I can see by the dawn's early light that I hopped aboard a flight in Houston, Texas exactly as I have been able to most of my life, flew to Cancun exactly as I have been able to most all of my life with only minor nuances. Went to Hotel kin Mayab, my most favorite place to stay in Cancun with the exact same folks that have been helping me for over a decade without a single sight even remotely depicted like what I witnessed on the tele in Houston. Yep, too much information.


‘Bout the worst thing that happened to me was I had a second blowout tire on the way back to Xcalak, that took a couple of cell phone calls to Eric and a hard night’s sleepin’ in my Embra Verde before I could have Gabi, Xcalak’s resident mechanic, bring a jack and two of my own tires from Rancho Portillas and help me install one early in the next morning for less than a hundred bucks. No gun play or anything else near as dire as depicted on television in the New Nitey States that would scare the crap outa’ any sane person watchin’ TV for their nightly dose of too much information. And yet, I get to live in paradise away from it all.


Life is gooooood, mondo gooooood! And hoss tradin’ is all right so long as the other feller had the best hoss! Thar’ ya go, Susan, now ya know partly why I been quiet so long! Gotta’ love her too.


Once I get back to what I now call home, all stories of the world having ended, according to the media, having been proven wrong in my own book. I find myself off line at the end of the road in Mexico. Yep, the information Highway died here. Were it not for an AM radio which I can get fellow conservatives to listen to late at night, I be livin’ in the information age with absolutely no information coming in at all! Nope, I couldn’t stand it, Johnny 5 needs input!


After about four trips to town to use my laptop with Xcalak Realty’s WiFi, I finally found out, “Yep, it’s broke. We’ll send a service rep right out, what’s the address?”  Those are some mighty kind folks who own and operate Xcalak Reaty, I’d highly recommend your contacting them for any real estate needs you might have. David Huix pronounced “weeks” is most usually there and speaks excellent English. We’ve referred to him as David the Spaniard over the years so much it is also acceptable to him. And don’t forget his wife, Chari manages Teléfonos Telegraficos behind the Port Captain’s office. It’s the only place in Xcalak where you can manage to get money. Thanks, David!


David’s brother, Moises, often referred to as Moi (Moy spelled gringo) now hosts the Wednesday night Barbecue Chicken night at Maya Village. If ever you are in Xcalak on a Wednesday night, this is the place to be. Much in keeping with the tradition Alan started years ago, you’ll get a great dinner, drinks and have lots of fun with most every gringo in Xcalak. The beach bonfire is one of my favorite gatherings. Bring yer’ camera! Second thought, maybe leave it in yer’ room.


I was in town from using David’s WiFi, it got late so I decided to stop in at Maya Village. I don’t get out much. Hell it’s a full time job fixing and maintaining all the stuff that breaks here. I visit with Javier and his family a bit, the new owners of XTC Dive Center and The Flying Cloud Hotel next door. They’re such nice folks, I’d think you would miss something great if you came to Xcalak and didn’t stop at XTC to see what they offer.


One never knows who you will meet at Maya Village. To my pleasant surprise, I ran into Doran Doolph. He and his wife call their place Dolph Inn. Now ain’t that clever!  They’ve been around Xcalak often for much longer than I have and I hadn’t seen them since they built their new place on the north road that until recently was a little worse than I cared to drive on – mine was bad enough, after five kilometers to town on the road here, I’m usually tired of driving. In the process of explaining my satellite system was down, Doran got that big smile he’s known to wear most all of the time and said, “I have a spare! Why don’t you bring your modem up and see if it works with my dish so you’ll know what part you need?”


Things like this cause me to wonder if some supreme being does actually look out for fools like me. The next day, I drove up to his place. The road north had been freshly graded and was a pleasure to drive. Doran greeted me and helped me set up my laptop and modem to his dish. Almost instantly I was online. And I managed to update the modem’s software after a little it won’t cooperate. Doran loaned me his spare transceiver for the dish so I could be online here again. I had a great day with Doran, wife and their neighbors along with being able to resolve a concern I hadn’t even dreamed of being able to correct. These are the type of folks who more typical than not make up this community! – Most excellent people. Thanks Doran! And say “hi” to your dad and daughter for me. Doran is the main reason this Report From South Of Town is here.


I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors!

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The story below references an opportunity that others managed to present a better application video than I did. I wish them the best of luck in their endeavor. It was a fun project for me. I thank all of those who helped with their support and guidance - a very special thanks to Lee and Susan for assisting me with editing via e-mail. I would like to someday meet the person who came up with the brilliant idea of this campaign. There was some very serious thinking outside the box there and I am one who enjoys seeing a marketing plan well executed. Kudos, Tourism Queesnsland! So, now I'm stuck with the negative paying Second Best Job In The World which ain't all that bad. If you want a laugh at my expense, click the video link below to see what I did with a laptop and a camera here at the end of the road in Mexico.

Visit http://www.islandreefjob.com to find out who will eventually win the Bestt Job In The World

The IslandReefJob Video

Report From South Of Town – 11 February, 2009

Movin’ On Up To The South Side!

First, please allow me to extend my most sincere thanks to all of you for your support in assisting me in obtaining The Best Job In The World! Your five star ratings have put me (as of right now) to number 77 in the most popular ratings in the world and #1 in Mexico.

Many of you have expressed your difficulty in figuring out how to rate on the video (direct link at the top of this page). Understandably so, you have to watch the video in its entirety, 59.87 seconds. Initially, I had trouble hearing the earliest videos, so I set the volume up maybe a little high. You can turn it down if you feel I’m shouting at you. – I apologize but, cannot resubmit it. To rate me at what you feel I deserve (I would really like all five stars, but many are offering honest ratings – I ain’t purty and my legs are thin.) you need to hover your cursor (mouse pointer) over the stars to where you want to rate my video and click once on your rating; for example: Hover over the fifth star from the left until it turns gold and left click your mouse. You can only rate the video once per computer and internet connection. Views are also counted only once per computer and IP address.

In eleven days from 11 February, 2009, the top fifty will be chosen for another voting process. I plan to advise you of how to vote for me after the process begins – providing I make the cut. I certainly hope so and with your help I feel I can. After all, I have been doing exactly what they want from the second largest reef in the world for the past seven years here for free. I do plan to return and continue after I’ve written six months’ of stories as the last gringo on earth – looking toward the south.

If you would be so kind as to tell all your friends and family to rate my video now and vote for me when the time comes, I will be eternally grateful. I promise I will continue my efforts to continue helping those less fortunate with much more funds available to do so should I get The Best Job In The World and most likely, I will have a new boat too! Feller’s got to have a good hole in the water he can try to fill with money.

For those of you who are unaware of what I am talking about, please read the below Report From South Of Town – 2 February, 2009. Should you want to apply for the job, I wish you the best of luck!

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Report From South Of Town – 2 February, 2009

The Best Job In The World!

Over the years when folks have come to the end of the road to vacation and for some strange reason stop by and visit me, nearly everyone tells me, “I envy you. You have the best job in the world!” In the rare occasions the exact quote is not completely accurate, a similar expression is used. I do have to admit, until a few weeks ago, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind I possessed the best job in the world. – Writing stories of my adventures and misadventures on my web from the second largest reef in the world, the Great Maya Reef, in order to help Mexico in their most productive industry, tourism. It is a labor of love – It certainly paid nothing monetarily, but the rewards of seeing folks happy discovering my paradise was sufficient payment for me.

A few weeks ago, I was listening to my radio in the predawn hours. The only station I can get here is WOAI 1200AM in San Antonio, Texas where they speak my language, Texan. I figure I’m probably their last listener looking toward the south, listening solely to their broadcast signal which fades in and out for me almost to the point of it being unintelligible at times with a mixture of a Mexican station fading in on the same frequency. There’s a feller on the air in the morning named Charlie Parker – one of my favorites. (Mr. Parker, this is all yer’ fault!)

During Mr. Parker’s morning show, I heard him speaking of a web site with the Best Job In The World. I thought he said “Islandfreak.com” was offering a fantastic job on the web doing exactly what I’ve been doing from here except, it requires it to be done from the Largest Reef in the World, The Great Barrier Reef. Aaaannnndddd, it pays $150,000 Australian Dollars for six months of work.

I leap from my bed, fire up the ‘puter and search Islandfreak.com. There is one! I read through about twenty-five pages of Google ads and found nothing like what Charlie Parker had raved about. “Maybe I heard him wrong, or I was just dreaming!” I thought. So, I e-mailed Mr. Parker and asked him for the correct site. In less than five minutes, to my absolute amazement, he replied with http://www.islandreefjob.com. Thank you very much Mr. Parker. Everything he had said was absolutely true after I finally managed to download a page.

It seems millions of folks from all over the world overwhelmed their servers by visiting their site. I had to retry for two days. With persistence and patience, one can accomplish most anything. After finally perusing the entire site, I decided this was not a scam. – It was a real opportunity!

The job application was the most difficult I have ever submitted. Granted, I’ve only submitted a couple of job applications in my life, but they require a video of sixty seconds or less explaining your qualifications for the job – that’s all. Well, you folks know I imitate Forrest Gump well with my “Ahm noooot a Smaaart maaun.” and I’m a slow talkin’ Texan. So, I write a script detailing my unique qualifications – It takes me near thirty minutes to read it aloud as fast as I can talk. At least I can write!

Do you remember those cartoons where a Saint Bernard wearing a little barrel of whiskey around its neck to provide relief and warmth to other characters lost in the Yukon? One look at my dawg, Toro and I consider strapping my camera around his neck for a walkabout in the jungle. – Nope, Toro ain’t no videographer. Except Toro and me, there isn’t anybody else to help me here except maybe Pinky, my pet pink boa. Darn, he can push the button, but which one, I can’t predict and sometimes he gets all of them at once! Yep, just a tripod will have to do. I let Pinky rest around my neck where he likes to get warm in these cold winter months where the temperature gets down in the low seventies, and shoot me a, now trimmed to five minutes, video – damn I’m ugly nowadays!

Well, to make an unnecessarily long story shorter, I’m gonna put my video here for all to view. Before I do, I’d like to ask each and every one of you to rate my video (five stars please?) and to vote for me so you can read my stories of the Great Barrier Reef. Heck even if you don’t like me, you should vote for me just to get me away from here – lol. Seriously, I would really appreciate your help with this. And, I’ll revert back to the second best job in the world after a short six months after I win. I ain’t leaving you; I’m just expanding the area of my stories. Hmmmm, would I be the last gringo on earth from Heron Island?

Watch my video by clicking here:

http://www.islandreefjob.com/applicants/watch/J-ekduqcaM8

Note: You have to use the above link to be able to vote for me or rate my video.

As of right now, the voting has not begun yet. You can only rate once per internet address and to do so, click on your opinion's corresponding star. For example; if you wanted to rate my video at a five star, (I'd be thankful.) you only click on the fifth star after the video has played.

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Play this video

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Report From South Of Town – 25 January, 2009
Thanksgiving At Portillas

Most every morning, I wake up before dawn. My alarm clock is a pit-bull named Toro. He wants his morning loving and play. We wrestle on the floor, exchange hugs and just have a great ‘ole time. I get my first face wash of the morning from Toro which quickly ends our ritual. He’s anxious to go outside and I’m anxious for him to go so I can get the remnants left by dog tongue off my face.

Propping my head up on a second pillow, I lay on the bed again to watch the sun rise over my toes. This morning’s show was one of those spectacular ones not so terribly rare here. After seeing so many, I don’t even bother with the camera anymore. I just pray for another tomorrow.

Times like these causes me to take a few moments to reflect on times gone by. The holiday season has come and gone. Folks around the world are getting back into the grind of whatever they do to provide for their families and themselves. Me, I have to get up and crank the generator because I didn’t get much sun yesterday for the batteries. If I run it for a little while before the sun directly hits the panels, I have no problems with electricity so I can play on my computer like this. Generator running and coffee makin’ seem to go hand in hand; I don some clothes so I can fry some bacon and eggs and crank up my day.

Top most important chores today are to burn my weed whacking results along with the trash without burning down the jungle too, work on this and redesigning the archived old stories that were on the server when my computer died, get some exercise with Toro along the beach, feed Pinky and have some fun.

To me, being a Texan, the next real holiday is my son’s birthday and after that, the Fourth of July. Look at a calendar from the US and that is about all you’ll see. I love Mexico’s calendar. It’s the same, only different. Every day is somebody’s day – some old hero, some saint, some Mexican President and so on and so on. One could surmise every day’s a holiday in Mexico. Dumb ‘ole me, I haven’t an inkling which is for what – I’m just a Texan in paradise.

These are the sort of ponderings I do while watching God’s morning light show. I use Google Analytics to see basic things about those who visit Portillas.com. Things like what countries my visitors are from and how many from each. Sure, after seven years, I’ve nearly covered the world with at least one visitor in every state in the US – lots more from some like Texas. A few from most states in Mexico. There are many visitors from South America and points south of here with the exception of Australia – of course they have the larges reef in the world there; why go to the second? I get many from Europe and recently added a few from as far away as China. To me, I find that absolutely amazing.

One thing I noticed and realized yesterday is a fact that 34.98% of my visitors are called by Google, “absolute new visits” A little more than a third of you know absolutely nothing about me, Portillas.com and why it is here. Many of those visitors did a Google search, Yahoo search, and MSN search for "Costa Maya”, “Mexico”, “Great Maya Reef” and amazingly, “portillas”! Yes, there’s a few for “Xcalak”, “Majahual”, “Mahahual” and even for “Cancun”. Twenty-five point 36 percent of my visitors are from search engines. And, the ones I love most and the main reason for my being here are my frequent visitors – “Direct Traffic” weighing in at 39.47%. After sort of stopping my practice of linking to other sites, I expected my referring sites to drop severely. It still sits at 35.18%. However, I think Google counts you from the first source of your arrival at Portillas.com. So, many of you are repeat readers too.

During the aftermath of Hurricane Dean, a category five direct hit here by the third largest hurricane in recorded history, I peaked in interest in my writings at near 10,000 visits per day. I got a tenth of that in e-mails and I answered every one personally. It may have taken a little while to get back with you, but I did answer all of you. There is never a need to apologize for “bothering” me with an e-mail. I do enjoy reading every one and I also enjoy responding. When I do get swamped with them, I prioritize them according to urgency in your request, but I’m a fast reader and read them all daily and think about what I’ll reply while I go about my day. It is now a daily thing I enjoy doing very much when I have electricity, working computer, working satellite internet connection and I haven’t messed it up by downloading something very large causing me to be punished for 24 hours at 2kb/s for exceeding their Fair Access Policy. E-mails consume a microscopic amount of my bandwidth – keep ‘em coming!

For both the new folks and the old folks who have visited here for years, I am again currently working on my old stories so I can put them up without any ads or spyware included in those ads. From now on, the only company who will look at you when you visit here will be Google. Quite frankly, if you open any browser window, Google already knows all about it. Soon, the old stories I didn’t lose in the great crash of ’08 will be here again for your perusal.

Another pondering this morning was Thanksgiving – the title of Today’s Report From South Of Town. Maybe it is because I subconsciously planned to thaw a ZipLoc bag of smoked turkey from Christmas today for lunch. But, since I am the master of my own little kingdom of one plus dog and snake, I want to proclaim this Portillas.com’s Thanksgiving day and every one thereafter. One day is just not enough to give thanks for all our blessings no matter how bad times get. I’ll give thanks every day for the bountiful harvests I’ve recieved. So, every day here is Thanksgiving! Not that much turkey though, I hope. I’ll put an old picture here because I like it, but know there is absolutely no reason for tan lines here.

 

First, I’d like to thank everybody for visiting and expressing your enjoyment of reading my ramblings via e-mail. The only reason I do this is because of you, my friends.

Second, I have to apologize for not doing this publicly before. I thank Mexico, Quintana Roo, Otón P. Blanco, The Costa Maya, and most of all, Xcalak for sharing their paradise with me. I thank both their governments and the fine folks who are born and raised here. Are you aware the citizens of Xcalak requested Mexico to establish the Parque Nacional Arrecifes de Xcalak? Even though their main source of income from here was fishing, they voted to give up most of their prime fishing grounds in favor of the preservation of the delicate ecosystem here. They lose and you benefited. Please respect their gift for you. I equate what they voluntarily did, at minimum, to all the people of Detroit giving up cars. God, I do hope they don’t have to.

And finally but not least at all, I thank God for providing me yet another day to witness directly, as a human, some of the best of His creations.

God bless each and every one of you in all of your and your families’ endeavors.


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Prospero Año Nuevo!

Report From South Of Town – 28 December 2008

Ok, the video thing is up and running perfectly now (I hope). I had to change it to be hosted at Portillas.com to eliminate any spyware from the common hosts for video presentations. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed seeing those smilin’ faces on the 24th. Whew that was a real learning curve for this ‘ole feller who is not a smart man.

In September, while sitting in the Immigration office in Chetumal for the standard two hour wait per visit, a young little girl stared at me for a very long time. We swapped smiles for nearly an hour. Her mama was trying to hold her while she waited in the hard seats also in the row in front of me. “Mama, mama, is that Santa?” she asked in her native language of Latin Spanish. Mama turned to look at me and replied to her daughter, “No, Santa es mucho mas gordo.” I laughed at my own white haired, white bearded, skinny ass, but started thinking dangerous thoughts. “I wonder if I could pull it off in Xcalak for the poor kids who will get nothing from Santa this year.” From that day forward, I started shopping for them. Funny how innocent things quickly get out of hand for me – obsessive compulsive?

Christmas has always been one of the highlights of the year for me. I’m just a kid at heart. The old adage, “’Tis better to give than receive.” has always been a bunch of baloney to me. But, what I got from giving kids something they like for Christmas is the greatest gift of all for an old hermit like me. That warm fuzzy feeling I got for Christmas this year will last me for another year, at least.

Now, for an old man like me, shopping does not mean buying. Buying takes some planning. In the process, I got a severe case of “sticker shock” that nearly scrapped the whole idea. I really did not want to buy cheap junk for the kids. It would make the whole thing superficial to me. But, when the Fisher Price toys I saw start at 250 pesos, Play Skool weren’t that much less expensive and toys for kids eight years and older started at 300 pesos and went way up from there, I thought this would be a project ‘ole Cliff couldn’t afford even with the weakened peso compared to the dollar. I had imagined I would be able to buy meaningful toys for around 50 pesos each. How wrong I was! Sure, some kid’s books were in my range, but I didn’t feel a sack full of books would serve well with the kids. So, September passed with zero purchases.

October’s trip to Chetumal did not prove to be much better though I dreamt about playing Santa much of the month. The selection of toys consisted of scary things, mostly for an Estados Unidos style Halloween. I did find a few cool toys around 80 pesos and bought ten. Little teddy bears cost 150 pesos at minimum. I wasn’t certain how many kids I needed toys for, but certainly more than ten. I decided I would limit the age of gifting to seven and give only to the poorest of kids, of course limited to my ability to afford them. I needed a count of the children of Xcalak whose parents were impoverished and were seven years old and under. That is when I enlisted the aid of Santa’s little helper, a local lady friend of mine.

By my November trip to Chet, I was much more prepared, thanks to Santa’s helper. There are about forty children in Xcalak seven and under who wouldn’t get anything from Santa without my help. So off to get some Christmas presents, my monthly supplies, a few things I wanted and my third trip to Immigration. After getting almost everything on my personal list, while looking at the toy selections at Chedraui, Bodega Aurrera, Sam’s, the small shops on Heroes and the various stores in the mall, I put my photographic memory to use. It’s fogged with heat and age, but times like this, it serves me well. Sam’s was far out of my price range. Heroes had lots of shops with interesting stuff – all cheap junk. I imagined the Free Zone at the border would be Chinese crap much like what I saw on Heroes. The mall, Plaza de las Americas, didn’t have much in any shops other than the department store, Chedraui. Chedraui had lots of possibilities that were only a little above my price range. And the Bodega, just down the street did not vary a lot from Chedraui’s selection though their prices were five to ten pesos less on many items and higher on some. Still, I was trying to maximize my cost to 100 pesos per gift with this, the third month trying to get with reality. Would they be higher or lower close to Christmas? I’d have bet higher, so I only bought seven I couldn’t leave without.

December rolls around, time to get this done is getting short. It’s too late to scrap the project with seventeen toys at the house already. I was nearly desperate – hoping for a miracle. On my way out of Xcalak, I asked Santa’s helper if she would like to go to Chetumal with me. “When?” she asked. “NOW” I said. Thirty minutes later we were on the road to Chet.

I’m not a smart man. I shoulda’ figgered she was the answer to all my concerns. A lady of modest means and of Mexican decent can shop and buy toys for kids without spending more than 100 pesos for each. She admonished me for grabbing a few at 100 pesos several times. We ended up with a total of fifty toys (counting those I had spent too much for already.) I figured if I had some extras, I couldn’t turn down a kid who just happened to be around when I was giving to another. She wouldn’t let me buy gift wrapping and saved me lots of money – mission accomplished! We got meaningful toys and things like school lunch kits I would never have considered, but they did need them and she knew which ones did.

Santa found a weed whacker that met his specs on this trip. It left him in an impoverished state after buying it. But, if you’ve ever tried cutting pinche a huevo (what I used to call sawgrass), you’d appreciate a big, powerful weed whacker with a saw blade rather than nylon string. I love my toys too!

My brand new five hundred dollar toy lasted about three hours before the starter mechanism melted. My money that was in process of being transferred before I went to Chet was in my bank the afternoon I was driving back to Xcalak. So, I could afford to go back. I had to go back to Chetumal to get it repaired. In my experience, a lot of places close until after New Year’s right after school gets out for the holidays. Thanks to my helper, I knew that was the eighteenth of December and it failed on the fifteenth. Back to Chetumal I go! I want my new toy working NOW!

It took all of about an hour to repair my weed whacker and buy another starting mechanism in case it happened again (If I have one here, it will never happen again, I’ve found.) I had a few wants on my list that were out of stock when I was there last. I had all day to casually look for what I failed to get last trip. First stop, Chedraui for bug spray – Got it!

On my way to checkout I noticed it seemed like Christmas was over. All the decorations, LED lights for trees, various odds and ends normally reduced for quick sale after Christmas were all gathered in a different location and were under signs that read anywhere from 50% off to 80% off. I needed some strings of lights so I decided to peruse what was in the area. Yep, the lights I wanted more of were thirty pesos after discount – Got ‘em!. There, next to the lights were some skinny stuffed Santas, stuffed reindeer, stuffed Frosty the snowmans in little gift bags I had seen before at 180 pesos each along with several other stuffed toys. None were over 80 pesos now. I couldn’t help myself; I bought all that appeared undamaged – a total of nineteen! To quote Obama, “Aaaaaaand” I bought 9 rolls of wrapping paper which required me to hunt down five rolls of Scotch tape, some pretty gold and red rope at five pesos a bundle and a red and white Santa’s hat with a bell on top. I went from there to Bodega to see what they had and Christmas stuff was virtually gone! It was over before the 17th!

Back at Portillas, I spent two entire days wrapping sixty-nine gifts for the kids plus a few for amigos. You’ve heard about the one armed paper hanger; you oughta’ watch me wrapping gifts with only one hand. Ever tried to wrap a basketball? I looked like a monkey fornicating a football. I wrapped all that I could before running out of paper – still got two rolls of tape left. After knocking down the Christmas tree in an attempt to arrange the gifts around it for a foto, I gave up and piled most of them on the couch for the picture I put up with my Christmas message here. I’m done preparing for Christmas and it’s only the 20th of December! I’m anxious, but as agreed with my helper, I have to wait until Christmas Eve.

The next day, I loaded all the presents in the ice chests I fill the back of my truck with to keep the things I buy from getting crushed and damaged. Green Go (formerly known to me as Embra Verde) is now loaded and ready to ride from the Middle Pole to Xcalak. My sled (as they’re called in the car business) now has all of ‘Ole Blue’s guts installed; motor, transmission and differential. ‘Ole Blue has nearly completely rusted out and the only good thing about the green truck was the body. It too will most likely rust. But, for now, my sled is ready three days before Christmas Eve. How many times in my life have I been frantically shopping and buying the afternoon before Christmas? I couldn’t possibly count them. Now with what may be my biggest Christmas ever, I’m ready early; my, how things have changed for me.

Daumn, I think this may end up as one of my trade mark massive missives. I haven’t even tole’ ya’ ‘bout Christmas Eve yet. Oh well, such is life. Read on if ya’ wanna’. The video purdy well ‘splains it, but I feel like writin’ today. (Better ‘n werkin’) So, here goes:

About nine in the morning, on Christmas Eve, I decided to have another cup of coffee. I had agreed to meet my helper in town at nine, but nobody’s ever on time here but me and I think I ought to be able to be late too. Heck, most folks here don’t even show up on the right day or sometimes the agreed to week. I’d been so anxious about making this trip, I felt like savoring the idea a bit longer before something messed it up. We all know Mr. Murphy watches me like a hawk to apply his law for me. I fire up Green Go and hit the road (If you could call it a road.) I have my Mexican Navidad CD playing pretty loud because I like it. All is well and right in the world.

Arriving at my helper’s home only an hour late, she presents me with a huge red fuzzy bag with a stuffed Santa face on it. It is beautiful, but I had planned to drive around town and open the back of the truck and take out the presents one at a time or how ever many kids were at a home. It seemed easy for me and my ankle is not completely healed yet so, I might be able to get through the day with as little pain as possible. There are two words I’ve found I can use to handle any woman – “Yes maaum!” And that is all I could say when she insisted I fill the bag someone had so carefully made for me to put all the regales in, “Si Senora!” I was happy to see I could only get about 75% of the toys in the bag for an “I told you so.” But, instantly, a huge white plastic bag appeared to hold the other 25% and she volunteered to carry the white one.

Wearing my long white slacks, a red t-shirt, my blue gator shoes, my conehead hat with a bell on top, and my camera slung on my shoulder, I heave a sixty pound red fuzzy bag with a big stuffed Santa’s face on it over my shoulder hoping the first house had about thirty kids in it – no such luck. There were three and they were all very surprised and happy. When we went to the next house with two under seven and one at eight, it was explained that the regalos were only for those niños pobre seven and under by my helper. When I reached in my bag to give her a gift, I got a smile from the eight year old and one of those looks from my helper. I wasn’t about to tell her I had lots of extras.

We rounded the corner and headed toward Adita’s so we could go south down the street where the purple house is. The air was pierced by a high pitched shrieking sound. It was extremely loud. Having heard a piglet being slaughtered poorly, there was no doubt in my mind as to what was happening. Cochinita Pibil is one of my favorite dishes. And it is a very popular meal for Navidad in Mexico though I usually get mine out of a can. I sorely wished it would end quickly. If it didn’t, I might have to give up the dish entirely due to this memory. A little boy maybe about four years old was running full out toward a house on the other side of the soccer field. The shrieking continued, but it changed. It got louder and it said, “Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa!’ I most likely will forever remember that kid as my little piglet. Never in my life have I seen a child so excited and happy. He has some serious lungs for a little kid. I’d have hated to hear him cry when he was a baby.

The remainder of the day was full of joy for all. We walked every street in town, stopping at every house and giving gifts to every child seven and under and lots to some older who didn’t seem to understand. The surprise, happiness, joy and smiles I saw this day will inspire me to do my best to make this an annual thing for me. I hope somebody else will take up the idea and try it themselves. I’d like to see them each get more than one gift from more than one person. Believe me, it is the most rewarding thing you could ever do. The video at the top tells it all far better than my mere words.

I only made one unintentional faux pas. I gave a couple of older boys a book each at the same house. One was Alice in Wonderland and the other was Cinderella. All of the books were wrapped. I only knew they were children’s books in Spanish. They all looked alike in the wrapping. Imagine my surprise when each boy was almost crying after opening their book they had already said they like books. “Es para niñas.” They both said in unison. I had mistakenly insulted them by giving them a girl’s gift. Quickly, I resolved their concern by apologizing profusely and trading for two other books that luckily turned out to be Winnie the Pooh and Donald Duck. They were elated and understood my error.

By about three-forty five, we had finished giving gifts to all of the young kids who were home in the entire pueblo Xcalak. None under eight were excluded unless they acted mature enough to not seem to want a gift nor did they appear to be anything but happy for their little brothers or sisters. Actually, no children who appeared to want a gift were denied. As it turned out I had only three books leftover and gave one each to the last girls in the video. Cinderella and Alice both found a good home.

I went home with the intention to return later in the night for the fiestas. When I woke on Christmas morning, I smoked a turkey for my Christmas.

Prospero Año Nuevo from an old man by the sea! May God bless you and your families in all your endeavors.

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Report From South Of Town – 23 December, 2008

Feliz Navidad y

Prospero Año Nuevo!


 

Where’s Cliff? I still get e-mails with questions similar to the previous pregunta. I lost my desire to write for and promote this area for tourism quite a while ago. My mama always told me, “If you ain’t got nuthin’ nice to say, don’t say nuthin’.” I never did everything she told me, but it seemed like a particularly good time to do exactly what she told me. I write for you because I enjoy doing so. If it ain’t fun, I don’t do it. The twilight of the sunrise over the Caribbe that has been the trademark look of this site since its inception was turned to black – both reflecting my mood with regards to the initial reason for this site.

The rhetorical question, “What happened?” will not be addressed in this edition. I’m so out of practice, I am not certain where I’m going with this at this juncture. Frankly, the Christmas spirit prompted this late night wanna’ write somethin’ desire of mine. So, this is for those of you who have expressed enjoyment in the reading of my massive missives over the past almost seven years. Feliz Navidad!

Suzanne, who was the initial inspiration for my writings on the message boards and this site along with her now husband, Eric, who mentored me in living at the end of the road where there wasn’t much of anything more than bugs, coconuts, jungle and an unspoiled paradise known as the Caribbe, owned a dive shop here in Xcalak named XTC when I first arrived here. Since my second day here, they have been, and still are, some of the best friends I’ve ever had. Please allow me to digress momentarily in wishing them and their children Max and Brianna a very special Feliz Navidad y Prospero Año Nuevo!

As you may or may not know, they have recently sold their dive shop to a gentleman named Javier. I met him the other day. We spent some time talking and I believe he will be a great addition to my collection of friends. After I heard Eric and Suzanne had sold XTC, I felt like something really great had died. Now, I feel more like a metamorphosis has occurred. Seeing the faces of the divers returning from their ventures in the Costa Maya deeps convinced me Javier is a great operator who will most likely exceed your expectations (weather cooperating) for the coming years. Feliz Navidad y Prospero Año Nuevo, Javier, family and XTC Dive Center!

After hurricane Dean, with many of you folk’s help, we helped exactly 1,000 families from Cahacchoben, west, to a little north of Bacalar, south inland, north to Nohbec, and including Majahual (Mahahual or Magajual, same place different correct spellings) now referred to as Costa Maya, and Xcalak on the coast. I couldn’t get to Uvero in my truck and I am sorry for not doing so, but I hit my objective and ran out of money before it became passable for me. I ended up funding the effort to get to the exact count of 1,000 families. After I had my viral/hacker attack on my computer when I lost twenty years of personal data (500GB) along with the photos I took for you of my efforts, I offered here to refund any of the donors who were disappointed in my efforts. Many folks requested their refunds and I promptly processed and paid all who asked for their money back. My personal expense exceeded my initial desire to pay, but, luckily, not my ability. I merely had to severely economize. I’m not looking for sympathy, I know I can always find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.

I still am quite a bit perturbed at those who started and spread the rumors and innuendos impugning my character, reputation and the effort I was diligently in the process of. In reflection, I care not what anybody thinks of me. I fell victim to some very mean spirited people – some, I consider evil. From experience, denials only accomplish causing others to judge one guilty. Have a cigar, Monica. No matter who you are, an accusation is all it takes to turn many folks against you. It is near impossible to prove one’s self innocent from doing something that didn’t happen. I had thought I had considered all the potential problems involved before undertaking the project. And I thought the photos I took in the process were an acceptable resolution to the concern. After spending nearly four months walking much of Othon P Blanco, alone, passing out 200 pesos cash to families who had lost their homes, I have no way to prove I did what I said. Nobody volunteered to physically help me. I'm a big boy and can take my punishment for my good deeds. As so often in my life, Mr. Murphy did pick the most inopportune time to apply his law – an attack on my computer. I’m not a smart man.

I am very pleased with our accomplishment. It made me extremely happy to do so and I feel very good about what we did. I most sincerely thank all of those who placed your trust in me. I wish each and every one of you who made it possible, the most Feliz Navidad y Prospero Año Nuevo you have ever experienced!

Stuff happens. I guess oftentimes even the best of intentions are misjudged and opposed by others. On the 25th of December, we will celebrate the birth of Someone who existed over two thousand years ago. Whether or not, in your soul you believe He was the Messiah, His teachings are well worth the learning and practicing. Without evil, good cannot exist. His story and the spirit of peace on earth and goodwill toward men inspires the things I do. Folks will most likely forget me fifteen minutes after I’m maggot food. Folks will remember Him forever.

Know, I will never solicit funds for any future efforts of relief of any kind. From now on, I will personally fund anything I want to do, myself. That doesn’t mean I will ever stop assisting folks of less means than me or contributing to causes I feel are managed by competent and trustworthy people.

I will write about my current project after Christmas once it is completed after Christmas (photos included hopefully). Here comes Santa Caribbe! I hope it will be heartwarming. I’m just an old man living by the Caribbe doing what I can to make life better for somebody and hoping I can inspire somebody else to follow my example wherever that person(s) may be. Feliz Navidad y Prospero Año Nuevo!

I’ve had a lot of adventures this year. None of which I’ve written about here; and I most likely will not. I will not participate in any forums/message boards. If you want to read me, check here. Early in the year, I had an accident near the top of this two story building. Luckily I didn’t fall and croak, but I did break my ankle. I still laugh at myself having to go up and down the stairs sliding around on my ass. I swear, after a few months, I think I developed calluses on my bee hind. Crawling around on my bony knees was not a fun thing either. It seems the older I get, the easier it is to mess up big time. When I do, it takes a lot longer to recover. I ain’t bullet proof like I thought I was in my youth. I am learning to be more careful, but, it’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.

As a result of this accident, I had lots of time to think about my own mortality again while staying in bed. I wonder, “What if this is my last Christmas?” It is entirely possible. Maybe I should do what I can to make this my best Christmas ever for me. Seeing the delight in my own young children’s eyes on Christmas morning are my most fulfilling memories. They are now grown, married and my son just made me a grandfather with his son, Christian (as of September 4). Cliff’s in his second tour in the Navy stationed in Italy. (Another reason I’m feeling particularly old right now) So, Christian is an Italian too. I haven’t met him yet, but I love him already. If I’m lucky, I’ll get to see him someday. Feliz Navidad y Prospero Año Nuevo, Cliff, Magann, Christian, Candice and Seth! I miss you, love you and even though you are very far from where I am, you are with me always.

The only thing constant is change. The world as we knew it is undergoing some radical changes right now. I most sincerely hope all of you can adapt and stay happy. Somehow, I’ve managed to make it through some extremely trying times over my life. I survived up to now at least. If a dumb skinny old man with one hand, a broken ankle, who can barely see at times, living alone, off grid in a jungle on a beach miles from anybody else, can survive for nearly sixty years, it oughta’ be a piece of cake for you! Take the time to stop and smell the flowers (ain't no roses here). Each day, the sun rises and if you can look for and focus on the good things, you can smile and be happy.

Feliz Navidad y Prospero Año Nuevo!

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A Special Note: While the following links are the best I have found, they are commercial sites outside my domain. Some do put spyware on your computer. It is how they are paid for what they do. As a rule, it is generally harmless but, those who are concerned should do a scan after visiting. Search for AdAware from Lavasoft on the internet, it is free.

Click For Weather Underground's Satellite Weather Image Of This Area

Click Here To View GOES - East Visible Caribbean Satellite Animated Loop

Click Here To View METEOSAT 7 Satellite Loop Of The Eastern Atlantic (Where Tropical Activity Begins)

Click Here To Visit Stormcarib.com

Click Here To Visit The National Hurricane Center's Atlantic Information Web

Click Here To Visit AccuWeather's Xcalak 15 Day Forecast

Click Here To View Detailed Current Weather Conditions in Mahahual

For The Following Links If You Want To Use Portillas (3 miles south of Xcalak) As Your Location, My Location Is: 18.2285 ° N By 87.84166 ° W

Click Here To See How Close A Hurricane Is

Click Here To See How Close A Hurricane Can Get According To Current Forecasts

Click Here To Pick The Center Of Your Satellite View

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