I’ve never been one to ogle over a baby. Sure, I’ll look and say they’re cute. But, when they are my own, I magically have the deepest of love for them. And now I find Grandchildren do exactly the same to me. Please pardon me for being the stereotypical Granddad – Ain’t he handsome? – ¡Guapo!
I lived nearly fifty years in Houston. (Finally, I get to the Report From South Of Town I intended.) After living here for the last seven, I am surprised I survived Houston/Pasadena! Pasadena is a city in the southeast quadrant of the Houston Greater Metropolitan area. It is much larger than most cities and it is the home of most oil and chemical refineries. One in particular, the Goodyear plant, gave Pasadena its nickname, Stinkadena. We used to joke about it because on the way to the dealership I operated one had to pass by the Goodyear plant in most cases. “Welcome to Pasadena, where the air is greena. If you can’t see it, it ain’t worth breathin’!” we’d say and laugh. ROFLMOW!
Luckily, I didn’t venture toward Pasadena from the Tomball area way up north in the Greater Houston Metro Area – a piney woods area which gives the false impression it is undeveloped in the woods. When we were kids, we used to ride on the hood of a 1954 Buick Special with Mossberg .22 rifles riding down a barely paved road called Jackrabbit road. We’d shoot jackrabbits who would stand up and look straight into the headlights of the approaching car. It is now known as FM 1960 and is a six to eight lane highway with every square foot of both sides of the road filled with gigantic stores for over forty miles. My - how things have changed in forty years. So, this is how I spent my winter vacation in Houston:
Upon perusing this photo, you may notice it isn’t sharp. What I was surprised with most was; this used to be clean, crisp air with the scent of pine trees. Now it is all concrete and you can actually see the air and photograph it! I find it incredible, after living here, to be able to notice the difference. I have a much better appreciation and understanding of the tourists who come to Xcalak and walk around for a couple weeks with a stuff eatin’ grin on their faces for the entire time they’re here.
The second most surprising thing I noticed was the sounds of the city everywhere all of the time – honking horns, diesel trucks, screeching tires, crashes, trains, voices shouting, whistles, sirens and God knows what a sound was from time to time. I couldn’t sleep with all the strange noises filling the dirty air. There’s no wonder folks get here and do nothing but sleep for days. It ain’t ever totally silent here either – but, there is something seriously soothing about the gentle rumble of the waves crashing into the distant Great Maya Reef, the owls occasionally hooting, the geckos bragging about catching a bug by their little “chirp, chirp, chirp” sound, the cackles of the chachalacas most often before a rain shower or the growl of a cat of prey in the distance. I guess the quantity of sounds are only barely different and the volume is definitely less here – it’s the same, only different, but sleeping is much easier without an ever-present noise of mankind.
Yea, I feel much better now I am back home. Shopping once per month ain’t all that bad compared to risking your life to drive to the store every day for something you need to make dinner tonight. My pantry here is much smaller, yet it is far better planned out of necessity. If I ain’t got it, I can’t get it without a minimum of a six hour drive – so, I either have it or do without.
I understand, from listening to the radio at night, that times are tough in the US right now. Me, I can’t seem to recall when the times weren’t considered “tough.” As humans, we had the stone age, the ice age, and so on and now we are living in what is called the “Information age.” Yea, there were too many rocks in the stone age and too much ice in the ice age, one can’t help but wonder if there’s too much information in the information age. If you hadn’t been told the end times were upon us, would you have stopped spending your money like you always had? Had everybody not stopped spending their money, there would have been no need for government hot checks to bail out huge corporations with assets designed to manufacture items you would have bought if you weren’t told you couldn’t afford them. The Wall Street panic would not have happened and those banking institutions and giant insurance companies wouldn’t have lost their beehinds playing Texas hold ‘em on Wall Street. I dunno, maybe dumb ‘ole folks like me can’t seem to understand why I need to pay for somebody’s losing at a poker game in the stock market with tax dollars I’ve paid or my kids will have to pay after I’ve croaked. Yea, too much information! ‘Nuff said. ‘Ahm not a smart man.
More information, are you aware your few dollars you might have left in the impending doom are worth lots more in Mexico? The peso is currently worth almost 14 to a US dollar! It’s like a giant sale on Mexico!
While in the US, I got a lot of information about violence in Mexico. So much so, that folks asked me if that’s why I’m baaack in the US. They’d admired me for having braved the cartel’s drug wars but, understood my finally succumbing to the danger and returning from “paradise” to the good ‘ole broke USA. Yep, too much information in this, the great information age. On the nightly news in the US, I actually saw video of folks getting killed every night in Mexico due to the massive drug wars. I had to wonder, myself whether I would be safe returning.
I feel the media is selling a bill of goods based on selectively telling bad news. We all bought a concept of a need for a “change”. We are all buying the fact that the world’s coming to an end and nobody’s got a dime or a peso. Everybody bought the fact that Bush was a bandit, but what did he steal? Everybody bought the fact that Obama was the savior of mankind, apple pie and the American way, but what has he given? When has the president of a democratic nation been able to fire the CEO of one of the world’s largest corporations much as we listened to Donald Trump say, “you’re fired” on TV? Has the concept of capitalism been replaced in the US by our new pres who many warned was a socialist before the election? Yep, too much information.
I can see by the dawn's early light that I hopped aboard a flight in Houston, Texas exactly as I have been able to most of my life, flew to Cancun exactly as I have been able to most all of my life with only minor nuances. Went to Hotel kin Mayab, my most favorite place to stay in Cancun with the exact same folks that have been helping me for over a decade without a single sight even remotely depicted like what I witnessed on the tele in Houston. Yep, too much information.
‘Bout the worst thing that happened to me was I had a second blowout tire on the way back to Xcalak, that took a couple of cell phone calls to Eric and a hard night’s sleepin’ in my Embra Verde before I could have Gabi, Xcalak’s resident mechanic, bring a jack and two of my own tires from Rancho Portillas and help me install one early in the next morning for less than a hundred bucks. No gun play or anything else near as dire as depicted on television in the New Nitey States that would scare the crap outa’ any sane person watchin’ TV for their nightly dose of too much information. And yet, I get to live in paradise away from it all.
Life is gooooood, mondo gooooood! And hoss tradin’ is all right so long as the other feller had the best hoss! Thar’ ya go, Susan, now ya know partly why I been quiet so long! Gotta’ love her too.
Once I get back to what I now call home, all stories of the world having ended, according to the media, having been proven wrong in my own book. I find myself off line at the end of the road in Mexico. Yep, the information Highway died here. Were it not for an AM radio which I can get fellow conservatives to listen to late at night, I be livin’ in the information age with absolutely no information coming in at all! Nope, I couldn’t stand it, Johnny 5 needs input!
After about four trips to town to use my laptop with Xcalak Realty’s WiFi, I finally found out, “Yep, it’s broke. We’ll send a service rep right out, what’s the address?” Those are some mighty kind folks who own and operate Xcalak Reaty, I’d highly recommend your contacting them for any real estate needs you might have. David Huix pronounced “weeks” is most usually there and speaks excellent English. We’ve referred to him as David the Spaniard over the years so much it is also acceptable to him. And don’t forget his wife, Chari manages Teléfonos Telegraficos behind the Port Captain’s office. It’s the only place in Xcalak where you can manage to get money. Thanks, David!
David’s brother, Moises, often referred to as Moi (Moy spelled gringo) now hosts the Wednesday night Barbecue Chicken night at Maya Village. If ever you are in Xcalak on a Wednesday night, this is the place to be. Much in keeping with the tradition Alan started years ago, you’ll get a great dinner, drinks and have lots of fun with most every gringo in Xcalak. The beach bonfire is one of my favorite gatherings. Bring yer’ camera! Second thought, maybe leave it in yer’ room.
I was in town from using David’s WiFi, it got late so I decided to stop in at Maya Village. I don’t get out much. Hell it’s a full time job fixing and maintaining all the stuff that breaks here. I visit with Javier and his family a bit, the new owners of XTC Dive Center and The Flying Cloud Hotel next door. They’re such nice folks, I’d think you would miss something great if you came to Xcalak and didn’t stop at XTC to see what they offer.
One never knows who you will meet at Maya Village. To my pleasant surprise, I ran into Doran Doolph. He and his wife call their place Dolph Inn. Now ain’t that clever! They’ve been around Xcalak often for much longer than I have and I hadn’t seen them since they built their new place on the north road that until recently was a little worse than I cared to drive on – mine was bad enough, after five kilometers to town on the road here, I’m usually tired of driving. In the process of explaining my satellite system was down, Doran got that big smile he’s known to wear most all of the time and said, “I have a spare! Why don’t you bring your modem up and see if it works with my dish so you’ll know what part you need?”
Things like this cause me to wonder if some supreme being does actually look out for fools like me. The next day, I drove up to his place. The road north had been freshly graded and was a pleasure to drive. Doran greeted me and helped me set up my laptop and modem to his dish. Almost instantly I was online. And I managed to update the modem’s software after a little it won’t cooperate. Doran loaned me his spare transceiver for the dish so I could be online here again. I had a great day with Doran, wife and their neighbors along with being able to resolve a concern I hadn’t even dreamed of being able to correct. These are the type of folks who more typical than not make up this community! – Most excellent people. Thanks Doran! And say “hi” to your dad and daughter for me. Doran is the main reason this Report From South Of Town is here.
I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors!
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The story below references an opportunity that others managed to present a better application video than I did. I wish them the best of luck in their endeavor. It was a fun project for me. I thank all of those who helped with their support and guidance - a very special thanks to Lee and Susan for assisting me with editing via e-mail. I would like to someday meet the person who came up with the brilliant idea of this campaign. There was some very serious thinking outside the box there and I am one who enjoys seeing a marketing plan well executed. Kudos, Tourism Queesnsland! So, now I'm stuck with the negative paying Second Best Job In The World which ain't all that bad. If you want a laugh at my expense, click the video link below to see what I did with a laptop and a camera here at the end of the road in Mexico.
Visit http://www.islandreefjob.com to find out who will eventually win the Bestt Job In The World
The IslandReefJob Video
Report
From South Of Town – 11 February, 2009
Movin’ On Up To
The South Side!
First,
please allow me to extend my most sincere thanks to all
of you for your support in assisting me in obtaining The
Best Job In The World! Your five star ratings have put
me (as of right now) to number 77 in the most popular
ratings in the world and #1 in Mexico.
Many of
you have expressed your difficulty in figuring out how
to rate on the video (direct link at the top of this page).
Understandably so, you have to watch the video in its
entirety, 59.87 seconds. Initially, I had trouble hearing
the earliest videos, so I set the volume up maybe a little
high. You can turn it down if you feel I’m shouting
at you. – I apologize but, cannot resubmit it. To
rate me at what you feel I deserve (I would really like
all five stars, but many are offering honest ratings –
I ain’t purty and my legs are thin.) you need to
hover your cursor (mouse pointer) over the stars to where
you want to rate my video and click once on your rating;
for example: Hover over the fifth star from the left until
it turns gold and left click your mouse. You can only
rate the video once per computer and internet connection.
Views are also counted only once per computer and IP address.
In eleven
days from 11 February, 2009, the top fifty will be chosen
for another voting process. I plan to advise you of how
to vote for me after the process begins – providing
I make the cut. I certainly hope so and with your help
I feel I can. After all, I have been doing exactly what
they want from the second largest reef in the world for
the past seven years here for free. I do plan to return
and continue after I’ve written six months’
of stories as the last gringo on earth – looking
toward the south.
If you
would be so kind as to tell all your friends and family
to rate my video now and vote for me when the time comes,
I will be eternally grateful. I promise I will continue
my efforts to continue helping those less fortunate with
much more funds available to do so should I get The Best
Job In The World and most likely, I will have a new boat
too! Feller’s got to have a good hole in the water
he can try to fill with money.
For those
of you who are unaware of what I am talking about, please
read the below Report From South Of Town – 2 February,
2009. Should you want to apply for the job, I wish you
the best of luck!
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Report
From South Of Town – 2 February, 2009
The
Best Job In The World!
Over the
years when folks have come to the end of the road to vacation
and for some strange reason stop by and visit me, nearly
everyone tells me, “I envy you. You have the best
job in the world!” In the rare occasions the exact
quote is not completely accurate, a similar expression
is used. I do have to admit, until a few weeks ago, there
was absolutely no doubt in my mind I possessed the best
job in the world. – Writing stories of my adventures
and misadventures on my web from the second largest reef
in the world, the Great Maya Reef, in order to help Mexico
in their most productive industry, tourism. It is a labor
of love – It certainly paid nothing monetarily,
but the rewards of seeing folks happy discovering my paradise
was sufficient payment for me.
A few
weeks ago, I was listening to my radio in the predawn
hours. The only station I can get here is WOAI 1200AM
in San Antonio, Texas where they speak my language, Texan.
I figure I’m probably their last listener looking
toward the south, listening solely to their broadcast
signal which fades in and out for me almost to the point
of it being unintelligible at times with a mixture of
a Mexican station fading in on the same frequency. There’s
a feller on the air in the morning named Charlie Parker
– one of my favorites. (Mr. Parker, this is all
yer’ fault!)
During
Mr. Parker’s morning show, I heard him speaking
of a web site with the Best Job In The World. I thought
he said “Islandfreak.com” was offering a fantastic
job on the web doing exactly what I’ve been doing
from here except, it requires it to be done from the Largest
Reef in the World, The Great Barrier Reef. Aaaannnndddd,
it pays $150,000 Australian Dollars for six months of
work.
I leap
from my bed, fire up the ‘puter and search Islandfreak.com.
There is one! I read through about twenty-five pages of
Google ads and found nothing like what Charlie Parker
had raved about. “Maybe I heard him wrong, or
I was just dreaming!” I thought. So, I e-mailed
Mr. Parker and asked him for the correct site. In less
than five minutes, to my absolute amazement, he replied
with http://www.islandreefjob.com.
Thank you very much Mr. Parker. Everything he had said
was absolutely true after I finally managed to download
a page.
It seems
millions of folks from all over the world overwhelmed
their servers by visiting their site. I had to retry for
two days. With persistence and patience, one can accomplish
most anything. After finally perusing the entire site,
I decided this was not a scam. – It was a real opportunity!
The job
application was the most difficult I have ever submitted.
Granted, I’ve only submitted a couple of job applications
in my life, but they require a video of sixty seconds
or less explaining your qualifications for the job –
that’s all. Well, you folks know I imitate Forrest
Gump well with my “Ahm noooot a Smaaart maaun.”
and I’m a slow talkin’ Texan. So, I write
a script detailing my unique qualifications – It
takes me near thirty minutes to read it aloud as fast
as I can talk. At least I can write!
Do you
remember those cartoons where a Saint Bernard wearing
a little barrel of whiskey around its neck to provide
relief and warmth to other characters lost in the Yukon?
One look at my dawg, Toro and I consider strapping my
camera around his neck for a walkabout in the jungle.
– Nope, Toro ain’t no videographer. Except
Toro and me, there isn’t anybody else to help me
here except maybe Pinky, my pet pink boa. Darn, he can
push the button, but which one, I can’t predict
and sometimes he gets all of them at once! Yep, just a
tripod will have to do. I let Pinky rest around my neck
where he likes to get warm in these cold winter months
where the temperature gets down in the low seventies,
and shoot me a, now trimmed to five minutes, video –
damn I’m ugly nowadays!
Well,
to make an unnecessarily long story shorter, I’m
gonna put my video here for all to view. Before I do,
I’d like to ask each and every one of you to rate
my video (five stars please?) and to vote for me so you
can read my stories of the Great Barrier Reef. Heck even
if you don’t like me, you should vote for me just
to get me away from here – lol. Seriously, I would
really appreciate your help with this. And, I’ll
revert back to the second best job in the world after
a short six months after I win. I ain’t leaving
you; I’m just expanding the area of my stories.
Hmmmm, would I be the last gringo on earth from Heron
Island?
Watch
my video by clicking here:
http://www.islandreefjob.com/applicants/watch/J-ekduqcaM8
Note:
You have to use the above link to be able to vote for
me or rate my video.
As
of right now, the voting has not begun yet. You can only
rate once per internet address and to do so, click on
your opinion's corresponding star. For example; if you
wanted to rate my video at a five star, (I'd be thankful.)
you only click on the fifth star after the video has played.
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Report From
South Of Town – 25 January, 2009
Thanksgiving At Portillas
Most every morning,
I wake up before dawn. My alarm clock is a pit-bull named
Toro. He wants his morning loving and play. We wrestle
on the floor, exchange hugs and just have a great ‘ole
time. I get my first face wash of the morning from Toro
which quickly ends our ritual. He’s anxious to go
outside and I’m anxious for him to go so I can get
the remnants left by dog tongue off my face.
Propping my head
up on a second pillow, I lay on the bed again to watch
the sun rise over my toes. This morning’s show was
one of those spectacular ones not so terribly rare here.
After seeing so many, I don’t even bother with the
camera anymore. I just pray for another tomorrow.
Times like these
causes me to take a few moments to reflect on times gone
by. The holiday season has come and gone. Folks around
the world are getting back into the grind of whatever
they do to provide for their families and themselves.
Me, I have to get up and crank the generator because I
didn’t get much sun yesterday for the batteries.
If I run it for a little while before the sun directly
hits the panels, I have no problems with electricity so
I can play on my computer like this. Generator running
and coffee makin’ seem to go hand in hand; I don
some clothes so I can fry some bacon and eggs and crank
up my day.
Top most important
chores today are to burn my weed whacking results along
with the trash without burning down the jungle too, work
on this and redesigning the archived old stories that
were on the server when my computer died, get some exercise
with Toro along the beach, feed Pinky and have some fun.
To me, being a
Texan, the next real holiday is my son’s birthday
and after that, the Fourth of July. Look at a calendar
from the US and that is about all you’ll see. I
love Mexico’s calendar. It’s the same, only
different. Every day is somebody’s day – some
old hero, some saint, some Mexican President and so on
and so on. One could surmise every day’s a holiday
in Mexico. Dumb ‘ole me, I haven’t an inkling
which is for what – I’m just a Texan in paradise.
These
are the sort of ponderings I do while watching God’s
morning light show. I use Google Analytics to see basic
things about those who visit Portillas.com. Things like
what countries my visitors are from and how many from
each. Sure, after seven years, I’ve nearly covered
the world with at least one visitor in every state in
the US – lots more from some like Texas. A few from
most states in Mexico. There are many visitors from South
America and points south of here with the exception of
Australia – of course they have the larges reef
in the world there; why go to the second? I get many from
Europe and recently added a few from as far away as China.
To me, I find that absolutely amazing.
One thing
I noticed and realized yesterday is a fact that 34.98%
of my visitors are called by Google, “absolute new
visits” A little more than a third of you know absolutely
nothing about me, Portillas.com and why it is here. Many
of those visitors did a Google search, Yahoo search, and
MSN search for "Costa Maya”, “Mexico”,
“Great Maya Reef” and amazingly, “portillas”!
Yes, there’s a few for “Xcalak”, “Majahual”,
“Mahahual” and even for “Cancun”.
Twenty-five point 36 percent of my visitors are from search
engines. And, the ones I love most and the main reason
for my being here are my frequent visitors – “Direct
Traffic” weighing in at 39.47%. After sort of stopping
my practice of linking to other sites, I expected my referring
sites to drop severely. It still sits at 35.18%. However,
I think Google counts you from the first source of your
arrival at Portillas.com. So, many of you are repeat readers
too.
During
the aftermath of Hurricane Dean, a category five direct
hit here by the third largest hurricane in recorded history,
I peaked in interest in my writings at near 10,000 visits
per day. I got a tenth of that in e-mails and I answered
every one personally. It may have taken a little while
to get back with you, but I did answer all of you. There
is never a need to apologize for “bothering”
me with an e-mail. I do enjoy reading every one and I
also enjoy responding. When I do get swamped with them,
I prioritize them according to urgency in your request,
but I’m a fast reader and read them all daily and
think about what I’ll reply while I go about my
day. It is now a daily thing I enjoy doing very much when
I have electricity, working computer, working satellite
internet connection and I haven’t messed it up by
downloading something very large causing me to be punished
for 24 hours at 2kb/s for exceeding their Fair Access
Policy. E-mails consume a microscopic amount of my bandwidth
– keep ‘em coming!
For both
the new folks and the old folks who have visited here
for years, I am again currently working on my old stories
so I can put them up without any ads or spyware included
in those ads. From now on, the only company who will look
at you when you visit here will be Google. Quite frankly,
if you open any browser window, Google already knows all
about it. Soon, the old stories I didn’t lose in
the great crash of ’08 will be here again for your
perusal.
Another
pondering this morning was Thanksgiving – the title
of Today’s Report From South Of Town. Maybe it is
because I subconsciously planned to thaw a ZipLoc bag
of smoked turkey from Christmas today for lunch. But,
since I am the master of my own little kingdom of one
plus dog and snake, I want to proclaim this Portillas.com’s
Thanksgiving day and every one thereafter. One day is
just not enough to give thanks for all our blessings no
matter how bad times get. I’ll give thanks every
day for the bountiful harvests I’ve recieved. So,
every day here is Thanksgiving! Not that much turkey though,
I hope. I’ll put an old picture here because I like
it, but know there is absolutely no reason for tan lines
here.
First, I’d
like to thank everybody for visiting and expressing your
enjoyment of reading my ramblings via e-mail. The only
reason I do this is because of you, my friends.
Second,
I have to apologize for not doing this publicly before.
I thank Mexico, Quintana Roo, Otón P. Blanco, The
Costa Maya, and most of all, Xcalak for sharing their
paradise with me. I thank both their governments and the
fine folks who are born and raised here. Are you aware
the citizens of Xcalak requested Mexico to establish the
Parque Nacional Arrecifes de Xcalak? Even though their
main source of income from here was fishing, they voted
to give up most of their prime fishing grounds in favor
of the preservation of the delicate ecosystem here. They
lose and you benefited. Please respect their gift for
you. I equate what they voluntarily did, at minimum, to
all the people of Detroit giving up cars. God, I do hope
they don’t have to.
And finally but
not least at all, I thank God for providing me yet another
day to witness directly, as a human, some of the best
of His creations.
God bless each
and every one of you in all of your and your families’
endeavors.
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Prospero
Año Nuevo!
Report From
South Of Town – 28 December 2008
Ok, the
video thing is up and running perfectly now (I hope).
I had to change it to be hosted at Portillas.com to eliminate
any spyware from the common hosts for video presentations.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed seeing those
smilin’ faces on the 24th. Whew that was a real
learning curve for this ‘ole feller who is not a
smart man.
In September,
while sitting in the Immigration office in Chetumal for
the standard two hour wait per visit, a young little girl
stared at me for a very long time. We swapped smiles for
nearly an hour. Her mama was trying to hold her while
she waited in the hard seats also in the row in front
of me. “Mama, mama, is that Santa?” she asked
in her native language of Latin Spanish. Mama turned to
look at me and replied to her daughter, “No, Santa
es mucho mas gordo.” I laughed at my own white haired,
white bearded, skinny ass, but started thinking dangerous
thoughts. “I wonder if I could pull it off in
Xcalak for the poor kids who will get nothing from Santa
this year.” From that day forward, I started
shopping for them. Funny how innocent things quickly get
out of hand for me – obsessive compulsive?
Christmas
has always been one of the highlights of the year for
me. I’m just a kid at heart. The old adage, “’Tis
better to give than receive.” has always been a
bunch of baloney to me. But, what I got from giving kids
something they like for Christmas is the greatest gift
of all for an old hermit like me. That warm fuzzy feeling
I got for Christmas this year will last me for another
year, at least.
Now, for
an old man like me, shopping does not mean buying. Buying
takes some planning. In the process, I got a severe case
of “sticker shock” that nearly scrapped the
whole idea. I really did not want to buy cheap junk for
the kids. It would make the whole thing superficial to
me. But, when the Fisher Price toys I saw start at 250
pesos, Play Skool weren’t that much less expensive
and toys for kids eight years and older started at 300
pesos and went way up from there, I thought this would
be a project ‘ole Cliff couldn’t afford even
with the weakened peso compared to the dollar. I had imagined
I would be able to buy meaningful toys for around 50 pesos
each. How wrong I was! Sure, some kid’s books were
in my range, but I didn’t feel a sack full of books
would serve well with the kids. So, September passed with
zero purchases.
October’s
trip to Chetumal did not prove to be much better though
I dreamt about playing Santa much of the month. The selection
of toys consisted of scary things, mostly for an Estados
Unidos style Halloween. I did find a few cool toys around
80 pesos and bought ten. Little teddy bears cost 150 pesos
at minimum. I wasn’t certain how many kids I needed
toys for, but certainly more than ten. I decided I would
limit the age of gifting to seven and give only to the
poorest of kids, of course limited to my ability to afford
them. I needed a count of the children of Xcalak whose
parents were impoverished and were seven years old and
under. That is when I enlisted the aid of Santa’s
little helper, a local lady friend of mine.
By my
November trip to Chet, I was much more prepared, thanks
to Santa’s helper. There are about forty children
in Xcalak seven and under who wouldn’t get anything
from Santa without my help. So off to get some Christmas
presents, my monthly supplies, a few things I wanted and
my third trip to Immigration. After getting almost everything
on my personal list, while looking at the toy selections
at Chedraui, Bodega Aurrera, Sam’s, the small shops
on Heroes and the various stores in the mall, I put my
photographic memory to use. It’s fogged with heat
and age, but times like this, it serves me well. Sam’s
was far out of my price range. Heroes had lots of shops
with interesting stuff – all cheap junk. I imagined
the Free Zone at the border would be Chinese crap much
like what I saw on Heroes. The mall, Plaza de las Americas,
didn’t have much in any shops other than the department
store, Chedraui. Chedraui had lots of possibilities that
were only a little above my price range. And the Bodega,
just down the street did not vary a lot from Chedraui’s
selection though their prices were five to ten pesos less
on many items and higher on some. Still, I was trying
to maximize my cost to 100 pesos per gift with this, the
third month trying to get with reality. Would they be
higher or lower close to Christmas? I’d have bet
higher, so I only bought seven I couldn’t leave
without.
December
rolls around, time to get this done is getting short.
It’s too late to scrap the project with seventeen
toys at the house already. I was nearly desperate –
hoping for a miracle. On my way out of Xcalak, I asked
Santa’s helper if she would like to go to Chetumal
with me. “When?” she asked. “NOW”
I said. Thirty minutes later we were on the road to Chet.
I’m
not a smart man. I shoulda’ figgered she was the
answer to all my concerns. A lady of modest means and
of Mexican decent can shop and buy toys for kids without
spending more than 100 pesos for each. She admonished
me for grabbing a few at 100 pesos several times. We ended
up with a total of fifty toys (counting those I had spent
too much for already.) I figured if I had some extras,
I couldn’t turn down a kid who just happened to
be around when I was giving to another. She wouldn’t
let me buy gift wrapping and saved me lots of money –
mission accomplished! We got meaningful toys and things
like school lunch kits I would never have considered,
but they did need them and she knew which ones did.
Santa
found a weed whacker that met his specs on this trip.
It left him in an impoverished state after buying it.
But, if you’ve ever tried cutting pinche a huevo
(what I used to call sawgrass), you’d appreciate
a big, powerful weed whacker with a saw blade rather than
nylon string. I love my toys too!
My brand
new five hundred dollar toy lasted about three hours before
the starter mechanism melted. My money that was in process
of being transferred before I went to Chet was in my bank
the afternoon I was driving back to Xcalak. So, I could
afford to go back. I had to go back to Chetumal
to get it repaired. In my experience, a lot of places
close until after New Year’s right after school
gets out for the holidays. Thanks to my helper, I knew
that was the eighteenth of December and it failed on the
fifteenth. Back to Chetumal I go! I want my new toy working
NOW!
It took
all of about an hour to repair my weed whacker and buy
another starting mechanism in case it happened again (If
I have one here, it will never happen again, I’ve
found.) I had a few wants on my list that were out of
stock when I was there last. I had all day to casually
look for what I failed to get last trip. First stop, Chedraui
for bug spray – Got it!
On my way to checkout I noticed it seemed like Christmas
was over. All the decorations, LED lights for trees, various
odds and ends normally reduced for quick sale after Christmas
were all gathered in a different location and were under
signs that read anywhere from 50% off to 80% off. I needed
some strings of lights so I decided to peruse what was
in the area. Yep, the lights I wanted more of were thirty
pesos after discount – Got ‘em!. There, next
to the lights were some skinny stuffed Santas, stuffed
reindeer, stuffed Frosty the snowmans in little gift bags
I had seen before at 180 pesos each along with several
other stuffed toys. None were over 80 pesos now. I couldn’t
help myself; I bought all that appeared undamaged –
a total of nineteen! To quote Obama, “Aaaaaaand”
I bought 9 rolls of wrapping paper which required me to
hunt down five rolls of Scotch tape, some pretty gold
and red rope at five pesos a bundle and a red and white
Santa’s hat with a bell on top. I went from there
to Bodega to see what they had and Christmas stuff was
virtually gone! It was over before the 17th!
Back at
Portillas, I spent two entire days wrapping sixty-nine
gifts for the kids plus a few for amigos. You’ve
heard about the one armed paper hanger; you oughta’
watch me wrapping gifts with only one hand. Ever tried
to wrap a basketball? I looked like a monkey fornicating
a football. I wrapped all that I could before running
out of paper – still got two rolls of tape left.
After knocking down the Christmas tree in an attempt to
arrange the gifts around it for a foto, I gave up and
piled most of them on the couch for the picture I put
up with my Christmas message here. I’m done preparing
for Christmas and it’s only the 20th of December!
I’m anxious, but as agreed with my helper, I have
to wait until Christmas Eve.
The next
day, I loaded all the presents in the ice chests I fill
the back of my truck with to keep the things I buy from
getting crushed and damaged. Green Go (formerly known
to me as Embra Verde) is now loaded and ready to ride
from the Middle Pole to Xcalak. My sled (as they’re
called in the car business) now has all of ‘Ole
Blue’s guts installed; motor, transmission and differential.
‘Ole Blue has nearly completely rusted out and the
only good thing about the green truck was the body. It
too will most likely rust. But, for now, my sled is ready
three days before Christmas Eve. How many times in my
life have I been frantically shopping and buying the afternoon
before Christmas? I couldn’t possibly count them.
Now with what may be my biggest Christmas ever, I’m
ready early; my, how things have changed for me.
Daumn,
I think this may end up as one of my trade mark massive
missives. I haven’t even tole’ ya’ ‘bout
Christmas Eve yet. Oh well, such is life. Read on if ya’
wanna’. The video purdy well ‘splains it,
but I feel like writin’ today. (Better ‘n
werkin’) So, here goes:
About
nine in the morning, on Christmas Eve, I decided to have
another cup of coffee. I had agreed to meet my helper
in town at nine, but nobody’s ever on time here
but me and I think I ought to be able to be late too.
Heck, most folks here don’t even show up on the
right day or sometimes the agreed to week. I’d been
so anxious about making this trip, I felt like savoring
the idea a bit longer before something messed it up. We
all know Mr. Murphy watches me like a hawk to apply his
law for me. I fire up Green Go and hit the road (If you
could call it a road.) I have my Mexican Navidad CD playing
pretty loud because I like it. All is well and right in
the world.
Arriving
at my helper’s home only an hour late, she presents
me with a huge red fuzzy bag with a stuffed Santa face
on it. It is beautiful, but I had planned to drive around
town and open the back of the truck and take out the presents
one at a time or how ever many kids were at a home. It
seemed easy for me and my ankle is not completely healed
yet so, I might be able to get through the day with as
little pain as possible. There are two words I’ve
found I can use to handle any woman – “Yes
maaum!” And that is all I could say when she insisted
I fill the bag someone had so carefully made for me to
put all the regales in, “Si Senora!” I was
happy to see I could only get about 75% of the toys in
the bag for an “I told you so.” But, instantly,
a huge white plastic bag appeared to hold the other 25%
and she volunteered to carry the white one.
Wearing
my long white slacks, a red t-shirt, my blue gator shoes,
my conehead hat with a bell on top, and my camera slung
on my shoulder, I heave a sixty pound red fuzzy bag with
a big stuffed Santa’s face on it over my shoulder
hoping the first house had about thirty kids in it –
no such luck. There were three and they were all very
surprised and happy. When we went to the next house with
two under seven and one at eight, it was explained that
the regalos were only for those niños pobre seven
and under by my helper. When I reached in my bag to give
her a gift, I got a smile from the eight year old and
one of those looks from my helper. I wasn’t about
to tell her I had lots of extras.
We rounded
the corner and headed toward Adita’s so we could
go south down the street where the purple house is. The
air was pierced by a high pitched shrieking sound. It
was extremely loud. Having heard a piglet being slaughtered
poorly, there was no doubt in my mind as to what was happening.
Cochinita Pibil is one of my favorite dishes. And it is
a very popular meal for Navidad in Mexico though I usually
get mine out of a can. I sorely wished it would end quickly.
If it didn’t, I might have to give up the dish entirely
due to this memory. A little boy maybe about four years
old was running full out toward a house on the other side
of the soccer field. The shrieking continued, but it changed.
It got louder and it said, “Santa, Santa, Santa,
Santa!’ I most likely will forever remember that
kid as my little piglet. Never in my life have I seen
a child so excited and happy. He has some serious lungs
for a little kid. I’d have hated to hear him cry
when he was a baby.
The remainder
of the day was full of joy for all. We walked every street
in town, stopping at every house and giving gifts to every
child seven and under and lots to some older who didn’t
seem to understand. The surprise, happiness, joy and smiles
I saw this day will inspire me to do my best to make this
an annual thing for me. I hope somebody else will take
up the idea and try it themselves. I’d like to see
them each get more than one gift from more than one person.
Believe me, it is the most rewarding thing you could ever
do. The video at the top tells it all far better than
my mere words.
I only
made one unintentional faux pas. I gave a couple of older
boys a book each at the same house. One was Alice in Wonderland
and the other was Cinderella. All of the books were wrapped.
I only knew they were children’s books in Spanish.
They all looked alike in the wrapping. Imagine my surprise
when each boy was almost crying after opening their book
they had already said they like books. “Es para
niñas.” They both said in unison. I had mistakenly
insulted them by giving them a girl’s gift. Quickly,
I resolved their concern by apologizing profusely and
trading for two other books that luckily turned out to
be Winnie the Pooh and Donald Duck. They were elated and
understood my error.
By about
three-forty five, we had finished giving gifts to all
of the young kids who were home in the entire pueblo Xcalak.
None under eight were excluded unless they acted mature
enough to not seem to want a gift nor did they appear
to be anything but happy for their little brothers or
sisters. Actually, no children who appeared to want a
gift were denied. As it turned out I had only three books
leftover and gave one each to the last girls in the video.
Cinderella and Alice both found a good home.
I went
home with the intention to return later in the night for
the fiestas. When I woke on Christmas morning, I smoked
a turkey for my Christmas.
Prospero
Año Nuevo from an old man by the sea! May God bless
you and your families in all your endeavors.
Back
To The Index
Report
From South Of Town – 23 December, 2008
Feliz
Navidad y
Prospero
Año Nuevo!
Where’s
Cliff? I still get e-mails with questions similar to the
previous pregunta. I lost my desire to write for and promote
this area for tourism quite a while ago. My mama always
told me, “If you ain’t got nuthin’ nice
to say, don’t say nuthin’.” I never
did everything she told me, but it seemed like a particularly
good time to do exactly what she told me. I write for
you because I enjoy doing so. If it ain’t fun, I
don’t do it. The twilight of the sunrise over the
Caribbe that has been the trademark look of this site
since its inception was turned to black – both reflecting
my mood with regards to the initial reason for this site.
The rhetorical
question, “What happened?” will not be addressed
in this edition. I’m so out of practice, I am not
certain where I’m going with this at this juncture.
Frankly, the Christmas spirit prompted this late night
wanna’ write somethin’ desire of mine. So,
this is for those of you who have expressed enjoyment
in the reading of my massive missives over the past almost
seven years. Feliz Navidad!
Suzanne,
who was the initial inspiration for my writings on the
message boards and this site along with her now husband,
Eric, who mentored me in living at the end of the road
where there wasn’t much of anything more than bugs,
coconuts, jungle and an unspoiled paradise known as the
Caribbe, owned a dive shop here in Xcalak named XTC when
I first arrived here. Since my second day here, they have
been, and still are, some of the best friends I’ve
ever had. Please allow me to digress momentarily in wishing
them and their children Max and Brianna a very special
Feliz Navidad y Prospero Año Nuevo!
As you
may or may not know, they have recently sold their dive
shop to a gentleman named Javier. I met him the other
day. We spent some time talking and I believe he will
be a great addition to my collection of friends. After
I heard Eric and Suzanne had sold XTC, I felt like something
really great had died. Now, I feel more like a metamorphosis
has occurred. Seeing the faces of the divers returning
from their ventures in the Costa Maya deeps convinced
me Javier is a great operator who will most likely exceed
your expectations (weather cooperating) for the coming
years. Feliz Navidad y Prospero Año Nuevo, Javier,
family and XTC Dive Center!
After
hurricane Dean, with many of you folk’s help, we
helped exactly 1,000 families from Cahacchoben, west,
to a little north of Bacalar, south inland, north to Nohbec,
and including Majahual (Mahahual or Magajual, same place
different correct spellings) now referred to as Costa
Maya, and Xcalak on the coast. I couldn’t get to
Uvero in my truck and I am sorry for not doing so, but
I hit my objective and ran out of money before it became
passable for me. I ended up funding the effort to get
to the exact count of 1,000 families. After I had my viral/hacker
attack on my computer when I lost twenty years of personal
data (500GB) along with the photos I took for you of my
efforts, I offered here to refund any of the donors who
were disappointed in my efforts. Many folks requested
their refunds and I promptly processed and paid all who
asked for their money back. My personal expense exceeded
my initial desire to pay, but, luckily, not my ability.
I merely had to severely economize. I’m not looking
for sympathy, I know I can always find it between shit
and syphilis in the dictionary.
I still
am quite a bit perturbed at those who started and spread
the rumors and innuendos impugning my character, reputation
and the effort I was diligently in the process of. In
reflection, I care not what anybody thinks of me. I fell
victim to some very mean spirited people – some,
I consider evil. From experience, denials only accomplish
causing others to judge one guilty. Have a cigar, Monica.
No matter who you are, an accusation is all it takes to
turn many folks against you. It is near impossible to
prove one’s self innocent from doing something that
didn’t happen. I had thought I had considered all
the potential problems involved before undertaking the
project. And I thought the photos I took in the process
were an acceptable resolution to the concern. After spending
nearly four months walking much of Othon P Blanco, alone,
passing out 200 pesos cash to families who had lost their
homes, I have no way to prove I did what I said. Nobody
volunteered to physically help me. I'm a big boy and can
take my punishment for my good deeds. As so often in my
life, Mr. Murphy did pick the most inopportune time to
apply his law – an attack on my computer. I’m
not a smart man.
I am very
pleased with our accomplishment. It made me extremely
happy to do so and I feel very good about what we did.
I most sincerely thank all of those who placed your trust
in me. I wish each and every one of you who made it possible,
the most Feliz Navidad y Prospero Año Nuevo you
have ever experienced!
Stuff
happens. I guess oftentimes even the best of intentions
are misjudged and opposed by others. On the 25th of December,
we will celebrate the birth of Someone who existed over
two thousand years ago. Whether or not, in your soul you
believe He was the Messiah, His teachings are well worth
the learning and practicing. Without evil, good cannot
exist. His story and the spirit of peace on earth and
goodwill toward men inspires the things I do. Folks will
most likely forget me fifteen minutes after I’m
maggot food. Folks will remember Him forever.
Know,
I will never solicit funds for any future efforts of relief
of any kind. From now on, I will personally fund anything
I want to do, myself. That doesn’t mean I will ever
stop assisting folks of less means than me or contributing
to causes I feel are managed by competent and trustworthy
people.
I will
write about my current project after Christmas once it
is completed after Christmas (photos included hopefully).
Here comes Santa Caribbe! I hope it will be heartwarming.
I’m just an old man living by the Caribbe doing
what I can to make life better for somebody and hoping
I can inspire somebody else to follow my example wherever
that person(s) may be. Feliz Navidad y Prospero Año
Nuevo!
I’ve
had a lot of adventures this year. None of which I’ve
written about here; and I most likely will not. I will
not participate in any forums/message boards. If you want
to read me, check here. Early in the year, I had an accident
near the top of this two story building. Luckily I didn’t
fall and croak, but I did break my ankle. I still laugh
at myself having to go up and down the stairs sliding
around on my ass. I swear, after a few months, I think
I developed calluses on my bee hind. Crawling around on
my bony knees was not a fun thing either. It seems the
older I get, the easier it is to mess up big time. When
I do, it takes a lot longer to recover. I ain’t
bullet proof like I thought I was in my youth. I am learning
to be more careful, but, it’s what you learn after
you know it all that counts.
As a result
of this accident, I had lots of time to think about my
own mortality again while staying in bed. I wonder, “What
if this is my last Christmas?” It is entirely possible.
Maybe I should do what I can to make this my best Christmas
ever for me. Seeing the delight in my own young children’s
eyes on Christmas morning are my most fulfilling memories.
They are now grown, married and my son just made me a
grandfather with his son, Christian (as of September 4).
Cliff’s in his second tour in the Navy stationed
in Italy. (Another reason I’m feeling particularly
old right now) So, Christian is an Italian too. I haven’t
met him yet, but I love him already. If I’m lucky,
I’ll get to see him someday. Feliz Navidad y Prospero
Año Nuevo, Cliff, Magann, Christian, Candice and
Seth! I miss you, love you and even though you are very
far from where I am, you are with me always.
The only
thing constant is change. The world as we knew it is undergoing
some radical changes right now. I most sincerely hope
all of you can adapt and stay happy. Somehow, I’ve
managed to make it through some extremely trying times
over my life. I survived up to now at least. If a dumb
skinny old man with one hand, a broken ankle, who can
barely see at times, living alone, off grid in a jungle
on a beach miles from anybody else, can survive for nearly
sixty years, it oughta’ be a piece of cake for you!
Take the time to stop and smell the flowers (ain't no
roses here). Each day, the sun rises and if you can look
for and focus on the good things, you can smile and be
happy.
Feliz
Navidad y Prospero Año Nuevo!
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A Special Note: While the following
links are the best I have found, they are commercial sites
outside my domain. Some do put spyware on your computer.
It is how they are paid for what they do. As a rule, it
is generally harmless but, those who are concerned should
do a scan after visiting. Search for AdAware from Lavasoft
on the internet, it is free.
Click
For Weather Underground's Satellite Weather Image Of This
Area
Click
Here To View GOES - East Visible Caribbean Satellite
Animated Loop
Click
Here To View METEOSAT 7 Satellite Loop Of The Eastern
Atlantic (Where Tropical Activity Begins)
Click
Here To Visit Stormcarib.com
Click
Here To Visit The National Hurricane Center's Atlantic
Information Web
Click
Here To Visit AccuWeather's Xcalak 15 Day Forecast
Click
Here To View Detailed Current Weather Conditions in
Mahahual
For
The Following Links If You Want To Use Portillas (3
miles south of Xcalak) As Your Location, My Location
Is: 18.2285 ° N By 87.84166 ° W
Click
Here To See How Close A Hurricane Is
Click
Here To See How Close A Hurricane Can Get According
To Current Forecasts
Click
Here To Pick The Center Of Your Satellite View
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